Agape
by Alei-Frozen-Ruby
Summary: Ichigo is the girl with a wall around her heart a mile high and a mile wide. When she opens up to a new crush, he breaks her heart, leaving her to blame herself. Will she ever find it in her heart to love again when Shirogane sees fit to climb over it?
1. Wounds of the Heart

**Wounds of the Heart**

_Nothing is wrong with my life, I have everything to make me happy: my mother and father aren't divorced, none of them are dead, I have a three story house and plenty of money. My cousins are all nice and I have no brothers or sisters to share anything with. I go to a great public school, I am the prettiest girl in school, and people compete to be my friends; there is nothing to complain about. Yet, my life is empty. It seems as though I am capable of no emotion. I can't laugh, my temper never flares, and I will not allow myself to cry. Yet, somehow my life is dark, and not metaphorically. I like being alone in the dark and, more than often, the school lights are out or dimmed. But that is not the only thing lacking light in my life. I'm not entirely sure what I'm missing, but I'm sure it's something important._

The pink haired girl walked down the dimly lit halls of her school. To everyone she appeared cold and distraught, but then, that was normal. If she had been perky and talkative, people would've said she was ill. If she decided to say 'yes' to any of the boys who asked her on dates, everyone would've thought that a miracle occurred. They expected her to be as she was, cold hearted, unloving, expressionless, and emotionless. But then, everyone enjoyed a good challenge. The boy (or girl) who could make Ichigo love or give her emotions would be revered as the savior of the school. Ichigo didn't count on that happening anytime soon.

Ichigo walked down the hall to her classroom and sat down near the center of class. Minto walked in and sat behind her and Retasu sat next to Ichigo. Those two were really the only ones she ever said more than one sentence to in one day. This was because she knew they wouldn't gossip about what she said. This morning the teacher set up her things as usual and sat down in her desk at the head of the class. Then, after all the tardy people had walked in, a new boy walked in. He had lush dark hair and enchanting brown eyes. His skin was tan from being outside and he was dressed in a white shirt and a pair of slacks. He walked up to the teacher's desk and Ichigo expected him to place an apple on it or something.

Instead, the teacher stood and said, "This is Aoyama Masaya, a transfer student from the coast. Who would like to show him around the school?" Many hands went up, most of them being girls, but the teacher didn't even glance at them and Ichigo inwardly sighed. This particular teacher thought that Ichigo needed more of a social life to cheer her up and was always volunteering Ichigo for work like this. "Momomiya Ichigo will show you around," The teacher said. "Now please take a seat," the teacher nicely said. Masaya nodded and sat down next to Ichigo.

Throughout the next few weeks Ichigo felt a strange feeling in her heart. She put a mask of indifference on over it, but it was still there and she was trying to puzzle it out. The winter dance was coming up and Ichigo finally decided to ask Minto about the feeling.

"Do you know what it means?" Ichigo asked after explaining the feeling to Minto. The blue haired girl looked at Ichigo and quietly chuckled. Retasu joined them at the table and asked, "What is it, Minto?"

"It appears our little Ichigo has a crush," Minto said quietly when no one was walking by. A small smile spread across Retasu's face.

"That's wonderful! Who is it?" Retasu asked.

"It has to be that new kid," Minto quickly decided.

"What? How could you decide that?" Ichigo asked.

"Because you've been around all the other boys for eight years and you haven't felt a thing," Minto explained. Ichigo nodded.

"I suppose that's true," she commented.

"Yes, Minto is an expert in other people's love," Retasu commented. Then a group of giggling girls walked by and the trio shut up.

Once they were gone, Minto said, "You have to tell him your feelings, Ichigo."

"Why?" Ichigo asked defensively.

"Because he needs to know you like him," Minto answered and rolled her eyes.

"But couldn't you find out if he likes me first?" Ichigo asked.

"Every guy in the school, except possibly Shirogane, is head over heels in love with you," Minto replied, sounding exasperated.

"Fine, fine. I'll tell him at the winter dance," Ichigo surrendered.

"You're actually going to the dance this year?" Retasu asked. Ichigo nodded.

"I suppose I have to, or else Miss Park Avenue is going to badger me about my love affairs until it happens," Ichigo referred to Minto.

_That day Masaya asked me out to the dance. My heart did a little fluttering thing and to his surprise I said 'yes'. It was rather funny, the look on his face, and I told him so as I walked off. I raided my closet and found the perfect dress. I now know what I was missing. I was missing the fire in my heart, love. It seems as though everyone has love in them, although it takes them a while to find it. For me, this thing called love is a wonderful thing. But I can't let anyone in the school know, there would be rumors and assumptions and I can't bear those. But maybe my care of rumors will leave as love truly settles in my heart. Tonight is the night of the dance, when I will tell Masaya I love him. Minto says he will be surprised and pleased to say the least. I don't know what he will think, and I don't quite know why I care. I think it has to do with this thing called love. _

Ichigo looked at herself one last time in the school's bathroom mirror and walked to the door. Masaya was out front waiting for her. He looked ravishing in his tux as he presented a single red rose to Ichigo. Ichigo smiled and blushed, taking the red flower and tucking it in her hair. Masaya smiled and led her in. A horde of eighth graders and seventh graders watched the monumental event. The school held its breath as Ichigo entered on the arm of Masaya. She wore a long black gown with pink lace, dyed long ago to match the color of her hair. Her magenta-red hair was done up in bao (which to my understanding are the double buns Minto always has her hair in) and Masaya's red rose stood out from the black roses twisted around Ichigo's hair. Long elegant black gloves with pink lace ran down her arms and her pink shoes wore black roses on the toes. Everyone stared at the ravishing couple.

Not only was Ichigo Momomiya attending a school function (even if it was a dance), but she had willingly come with a boy. Naturally, everyone assumed Masaya was blackmailing Ichigo, why else would she attend? And Ichigo's smiling only caused the rumor to spread. Ichigo Momomiya never smiled for anyone or anything. It _had_ to be blackmail, although a small group of the romantics attending figured that Ichigo was actually in love, but they were quickly shunned.

They danced for a while before Masaya led Ichigo toward the back door and out into the nighttime air. Dark clouds blotted out the moon and tender snowflakes gentle trundled down around them.

"Masaya, there's something I have to tell you," Ichigo started. Her heart was jumping in her throat. Masaya raised his eyebrows and smiled.

"I have something to tell you also, but you can go first," he said. Ichigo shook her head.

"No, you, mine can wait," Ichigo explained. Masaya smiled.

"Okay, I have to leave in a ten minutes," Masaya dropped the news. Ichigo nodded.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because I'm meeting someone for dinner," Masaya explained. Ichigo nodded.

"Who're you meeting?" She asked.

"Haruna Tiichiko, my girlfriend," He answered. Ichigo lowered her eyes and felt as though her heart would burst.

"I see," Ichigo quietly said.

"Ichigo, are you all right?" He asked.

"No, I'm not 'all right'. But, there's nothing you can do about it," Ichigo answered. A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Ichigo, why are you crying?" Masaya asked. Ichigo leaned against the wall of the school.

"I came here to tell you something important, but you don't need to know about it now," Ichigo sighed. Masaya lifted her chin with the crook of his finger. "Ichigo . . ."

Then he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. Ichigo kissed him back and let her arms curl around his neck. His hand held her back and pulled her closer. Tears stream down Ichigo's cheeks. If he had a girlfriend, then Ichigo was going to make him regret it. Ichigo ended the kiss and Masaya stumbled back. "Wow . . ."

A car rolled up the snowy road and honked the horn. Masaya looked over his shoulder and Ichigo leaned over to see who it was. A girl with long black hair and a low cut dress leaned out the window.

"Come on, Masaya-kun!" She shouted. Masaya nodded and waved.

"That's here isn't it?" Ichigo asked. Masaya nodded and left. Tears streamed down Ichigo's cheeks for what she couldn't have.

"Masaya, wait!" She called. Masaya paused and looked back at her.

"I came here to tell you that I was in love with you. Head. Over. Heels. In. love. With. you!" Ichigo punctuated the last part. "I'm sorry, Ichigo," Masaya said and smiled before hurrying to the car. Ichigo's pink eyes filled with tears and she ran out behind the school and sobbed freely amidst the swirling snowflakes.

_I now regret having loved. I broke my heart and now I'm worse than I was before. Sure, I'm crying, but is that progress? I was better off before, hiding my emotions. I will never, ever love again. There is nothing anyone can do to make me love again. So why am I crying harder? Why do I find that I cannot stop my tears? I want so badly to dry them and walk away from this dreadful place, but I can't. I don't have the strength to. Is this what love does? Does it make other people weak, like it has made me? Does it make them cry and feel obscene pain? I don't know if it's like this every time, and I don't want to try again. The fire in my heart was extinguished with on sentence. How long will it take for the next shattering event to happen? Whatever I do has a consequence. This dreadful emotion called love has had a terrible price. I will never love again. I will never give my heart to any boy ever again, never. They say that when the snowflakes fall, the snow princess is crying for the sins of man. I guess she cries for me now. I was never meant to love, and I never will again._


	2. Yearning and Regret

**Yearning and Regret**

_Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Hah. I've been scorned and I feel no fury. If anything, I'm extremely disappointed in myself. I should've known what I was getting into. Now I know why I built walls around myself— to keep people out and never let them in. If I don't let them in, they can't break my heart. They say in books and great speeches that love is worth it— that they would still have chosen to love a person even if that person breaks their heart. But it's not. Not the kind of love I experienced anyway. This love, I could have done without. He- he took my heart and shattered it and trod upon the pieces. And for this whole fiasco, I blame myself. I should never have lowered the walls. I should never have let him in._

Ichigo sat in a corner behind the school and did not cry. She wallowed in self pity and stared off into space— lost to anything which may or may not be happening in the present, such as the group of romantics whispering about Masaya driving off in a car with a buxom raven haired foreign girl. After a while a boy came out. His shirt was un-tucked and he looked dazed, in a serene sort of way, almost like a druggie or stoner. He sat down pulled out a cigarette and a lighter and began to smoke. But it wasn't the choke on air bad smoky smell that usually accompanied smokers; it was a rather nice herbal scent. But Ichigo, lost in time and space, did not notice.

Eventually, the boy glanced over at Ichigo. He watched her for a while before asking, "What's eating **you**?" At first, Ichigo didn't respond. She heard him, and knew what he was asking. But, as she didn't know him and he didn't know her, she knew he wouldn't press her. What happened was up to her. After a while, such that the boy was beginning to believe she hadn't heard him or hadn't known he was talking to her, Ichigo told him what happened. She told him because she didn't know him and because he didn't know her. She told him because he was a stranger and would most likely never see her again. She told him everything, from start to finish and told him without ever looking at him once, carefully staring straight ahead, curled up in a corner, pretending to be invisible.

When she was finished, they both kind of stared off into space. Ichigo waiting for whatever would happen next, not really caring if anything at all happened. After a moment, the boy saw fit to speak again.

"Sounds like this Aoyama needs to have his butt kicked," the boy finally responded. Ichigo looked up at him. If anyone was at fault, it was her, not him. As though sensing her self-blame, the boy continued.

"You opened your heart to him. You gave him a gift more precious than gold or diamonds and he spat in your face and trampled on the gift. It wasn't your fault. Giving isn't a crime." This was a new concept. It couldn't possibly be Masaya's fault things had turned out like this. . . . Could it?

They sat in silence until the boy finished his cigarette. He dripped the smoldering sub on the blacktop and crushed it with the toe of his shoe. He stayed for a moment longer watching the stars before taking off. Ichigo watched him walk away from the school into the night. She thought about him and what he had said and how his cigarettes hadn't smelled like something bad. Then she too got up and left. The rented car was still sitting outside. She got in and told the driver Masaya had another ride. The driver seemed to understand and didn't pry. Instead he gave her a sympathizing look and drove her home.

That night, Ichigo had a dream where she was at the edge of a cliff. Masaya was there and he was holding her hand. Then she was falling off the edge and he let her go. She watched him smile and turn away. As she fell, she felt at peace with herself. She was going to die. She could die. The one boy she loved didn't even care enough about her to tell her he had a girlfriend. Right before she hit the ground, she grew a pair of wings— but it was too late. She found her wings too late and she died. She collided with the ground in a feathery, bloody mess, but felt no pain. Instead, she looked down on her mangled body and felt herself fading away . . .

The next day, her mother sensed Ichigo's broken heart and sought to keep her home from school, took give her a day to rise from her depression. However, Ichigo rose early in the morning, dressed herself, and went to school. She didn't speak to anyone all day and spent most of her time staring listlessly into space. When called upon, no, she didn't know the answer. No, she wasn't going to apologize or take a guess. Yes, she would stare at you with a gaze that pulled you into a dark abyss and made you feel for a brief moment the pain and regret Ichigo was feeling. All day long, she didn't say even one word to anybody, not even her friends, Minto and Retasu. She didn't notice how worried they were about her. She didn't notice that a boy who smelled faintly of mixed herbs sat two rows behind her in one of her classes. She noticed that Masaya was gone. She noticed that she didn't care at all about his absence where once she would have wondered and worried.

Over the next few days, Masaya continued to be absent from school. Minto and Retasu tried to get the story from their beloved friend, but failed miserably. Eventually, Ichigo told them in one sentence what had happened at the dance. Retasu and Minto were shocked and angry. They stewed and muttered darkly and eventually spread the word about what Masaya had done to their friend. Many boys were angered at how Masaya spited the beautiful Ichigo Momomiya just when she decided to become interesting. Minto and Retasu, who had many sympathetic friends, got most of the school riled up to the point where, when Masaya returned right before third period on the fifth day, everyone was either ignoring him or flat out insulting him even though he bore two black eyes, a broken nose, and numerous cuts and bruises. Some of the few remaining conspiracy theorists thought that Ichigo beat him up for blackmailing her.

Upon his return to school, Ichigo fled to the roof to skip third period. She couldn't be in the same room with him, not now. She didn't want to face him. Ichigo ran up the darkened staircase which led into the unused core of the school. Her feet pounded on the steps as she ran and ran, not caring where the stairs led her. After three flights she came to an old wooden door. It opened when she pushed. So distracted by Masaya's reappearance was she, that she didn't noticed soft guitar music playing. No, she just ran, then walked, and stopped at the edge of the roof, looking down. As she looked down, she was reminded of her dream and wondered faintly if she would grow wings and whether they would come too late.

Eventually, Ichigo registered that guitar music was being played nearby. She turned, wondering who it was. Lo, and behold— it was that kid she'd met behind the school at the dance. He was smoking his sweet smelling cigarettes and playing guitar. She stayed where she was, watching him and listening to the music. After a while, he looked up and saw her.

"Looks like Aoyama's back," He commented it. Ichigo shrugged and turned away.

"Yeah. I suppose he is," Ichigo replied. The boy stood and came up next to her.

"Looks pretty beat up," He commented. Ichigo truly hadn't noticed that, but she didn't really care. She'd seen his back and known it was him. Sure his arms had looked a little battered. They were only covered in bruises and cuts. Nothing serious. Nothing he didn't deserve.

"Aren't you glad he got beat up?" The boy asked. Ichigo looked over at him in shock.

"I don't care one way or the other. He is nothing to me now. I loved him and ended up like this. It's my fault for opening up to him. Now he's nothing. I wouldn't go out of my way to forgive him or scorn him," Ichigo replied blankly.

"I . . . I can respect that. But for shattering your heart, he still deserves to be beaten to a pulp," The boy clung steadfastly to what he said the other night. Ichigo shrugged again, sat down, and curled up. The boy knelt down beside her.

"Here, try a drag of this, it'll make you feel better.' Ichigo looked up to see him holding the cigarette he had just been smoking. All her life she'd been warned against smoking and other drugs, but maybe. Maybe just one wouldn't hurt. After all, it smelled sweet, unlike other cigarette and cigars, and this boy who'd been smoking them didn't seem all that bad.

Ichigo took the cigarette from him and slipped it in her mouth. She sucked in and breathed out. It actually wasn't half bad, almost like breathing tea or walking through her grandmother's herbal garden. Ichigo relaxed and took another drag before handing it back to him. But he was sitting down next to her lighting another one for himself.

"It's okay, you can keep that one," he said as he successfully lit his. He took a few puffs to get it going, then relaxed. They sat there in silence, smoking their sweet-tasting cigarettes.

"So what **are **these?" Ichigo finally asked. "I know they're not normal cigarettes." The boy smiled.

"These are a herbal concoction meant to break the smoker's addiction. They're my dad's, but I think they're okay. Plus it keeps the druggies off my back," the boy replied. Ichigo was satisfied with that reply. It was good enough.

"By the way, I'm Shirogane Ryou," The boy said, glancing at her. Ryou, eh? Ichigo smiled and leaned back against the wall.

"Pleased to meet you, Shirogane. I'm Momomiya Ichigo," she said. Then Ryou smiled.

"Yeah, I know."


End file.
